Aging… Gracefully?

I turned 53 while we were in production for the November/December 2024 issue of Madeworthy.

First, let me say how grateful I am to be 53. Many don’t make it to 53. In centuries past, I would be considered either a wise old crone or a horrid old witch. (Be nice. I can hear you giggling.)

I LIKE being in my 50s.

BUT…

There’s a reason clichés are clichés. They contain at least a kernel of truth in them. And boy, this cliché’s kernel of truth is more like the iceberg that sank the Titanic. Get ready. I’m going to lay it on you.

Growing old ain’t for the faint of heart.

I look at my beautiful mother and aunts and remember my lovely grandmothers. How did they age so gracefully? Did they not deal with all this… WEIRDNESS? Because let me tell you, growing old is seriously weird. We all know about the joys of hot flashes and mood swings, but some symptoms of menopause are just odd. As I progress from perimenopause and its delightful hormonal fluctuations into the hormonal aridity of menopause, are other people struggling like I am?

Well, it turns out they are. Misery loves company, right?

In preparing to write this article, I talked with some of my oldest friends about how they are handling the trip of the SS Hormones. Are they aging as gracefully as they seem to be? It turns out that we’re all experiencing weirdness of various kinds, which I’ve kindly cataloged for easy cross-referencing.

[Author’s note: All names have been changed to protect the innocent and the not-so-innocent.]

[Author’s second note: Please know that there are treatments to alleviate most of these symptoms, but that’s not the purpose of this article. Talk to your doctor about treatment options.]

Hair

It’s amazing how much a good hair day can bolster the spirits, while a bad hair day will torpedo any joy you might feel when you wake up. Our hair is a method of self-expression. It’s also an outward sign of health. So when your hormones start fluctuating, your hair reacts and not always favorably.

“My hair is slowly migrating,” Camila said. “I’m getting bald spots on the top of my head and around my temples, but my eyebrows and mustache are growing in nicely.” [Author’s note: You can spend a lot of money on getting rid of facial hair, or you can use your husband’s razor and shave. It’s cheaper.]

Eleanor said, “It’s just so dry and brittle now. I run my hand through my hair and can pull out handfuls. This happened after each of my kids, but it always grew back. I’m really scared it’s not going to grow back this time.”

Not to play one-upmanship here (after all, we’re all sisters in this), but I had the weirdest thing happen recently. I decided I wanted to lighten my hair just one level, from Dead Mouse Brown to Dead Mouse Blonde. My lovely hairdresser, whom I trust not only with my hair but also with my children’s hair and who has colored my hair numerous times in the past, used a product that we have used before to great success. This time? Not so much.

Instead of a nice ash blonde, my hair turned orange. Pumpkin orange. Pumpkin orange with brassy yellow highlights. We were, naturally, horrified. I went off to get some color-depositing conditioner to try to stop looking like a jack-o-lantern, and she went to consult the color gurus at Wella. “It’s rare, but it does sometimes happen when a woman is in perimenopause or menopause,” the Wella representative said. Unfortunately, she didn’t have any suggestions on how to fix it other than color-depositing conditioners. So that’s my menopause hair horror story.

Aridity

There is no lack of advertisements that tell the world that a lack of estrogen and progesterone can cause vaginal dryness. There are creams and ointments and unguents to alleviate this condition. However, you don’t see ads talking about menopause-induced dry mouth. Or dry eyes. Or dry skin. Sure, you may think you have dry skin, but until progesterone and estrogen have packed their bags, you do not know what dry skin means.

“I’ve got all these pots of moisturizers and serums and creams and oils sitting on my counter,” Madeleine said. “I’ve spent a small fortune, but nothing is working.”

Lillian said, “I’m going through more gum now than when I did when I was quitting smoking. My mouth is like the floor of Death Valley. I don’t want to kiss my partner anymore.”

Elisa’s problem is her eyes. “I wake up every morning, and my eyes are almost gummed shut. There isn’t enough Visine in the world to make them stop itching. I had to stop wearing my contacts because my eyes are so dry.”

Sensory Changes

Who knew it had such an impact on your senses? For about six months, I swore SOMEONE was smoking in the house. I smelled cigarette smoke constantly. I dreamed I was in a little French café, surrounded by elegant people drinking aperitifs and smoking Gauloises and Gitanes. Turns out that’s a lesser-known symptom of menopause. (Fortunately, it passed once the hormones finally said goodbye.)

Amy had menopause-related tinnitus. Fortunately for her, it stopped when she started hormone replacement therapy.

My friend Elizabeth is a baker. She complained that the apple pie filling she makes for her delicious apple pies smells like wet dogs. “Maybe it’s the nutmeg?” she said. Her sister is a doctor who got interested in Elizabeth’s symptoms. She’s now researching menopausal symptoms and treatments. (Stay tuned to future issues to learn what her research yields.)

Autumn said menopause took away her ability to taste sour foods. Lemons? Nope. Vinegar? Not a pucker. “I can’t taste anything acidic. Most foods taste really flat now.”

My friend Marta would probably kill for flat-tasting food. She has Burning Mouth Syndrome (BMS). She said, “My mouth feels like I just ate a handful of habaneros all the time.” BMS sometimes occurs with dry mouth or altered taste and smell. While the causes of BMS are unknown, a majority of the sufferers are postmenopausal women. The most prescribed treatments are reassurance and antidepressants. Fortunately, most women who suffer from BMS experience at least a partial recovery after several years. Oh goodie.

Brain Fog

Oh yes, the menopausal brain fog is real, my friends. Every single one of my friends and I agree on this. We can’t remember anything, even if we write it down. We lose everything from keys to our cars in parking lots. And we can’t retain anything we’re told.

“I used to be proud of my memory, you know? My ability to remember everything everyone in the family needed to do at all times. Now? I’m useless. And because I’m the mom, the whole family is messed up,” Angela said. “Everyone got so used to relying on my memory, which I realize is totally my fault, but now, no one can figure out what to do when.”

Angela raises a good point. Moms tend to be the nerve center of the family. We’re the ones who remember everyone’s schedule, who coordinate soccer games and birthday parties and homework and projects and piano lessons and play rehearsals and SAT tutorials and… When Mom can’t remember what she planned for dinner or where she put her keys, the whole family is thrown into chaos. We need to learn to ask for help – from our family, from our doctors, from our community. We’re not alone, no matter how much we may feel like it.

This self-indulgent little article is just a partial list of the symptoms of perimenopause and menopause that we experience. I didn’t get to the electric shock sensations, heart palpitations, changes in your body odor, exhaustion, and so many more utterly delightful things that happen to our body as we pass gracefully into the next stage of life.

It should go without saying, but if you are experiencing ANY of these symptoms, please talk to your doctor. Most menopausal symptoms can be symptoms of other conditions. And there are treatments for many of these symptoms, so don’t just grin and bear it. Make a comprehensive list of everything you’re experiencing and make an appointment. Do it now before you forget!