Holidays and Dementia: Tips for Family Gatherings

Navigating family dynamics during the holidays can be challenging under the best of circumstances. When you add a loved one living with dementia, those challenges can increase exponentially.

It is still possible to find joy in the holiday season, though. By setting clear and realistic expectations, you can set the stage for a festive celebration with family and friends.

The James L. West Center for Dementia Care offers tips for families caring for individuals living with dementia to help make holiday memories and reduce the stress of the holiday season.

Photo courtesy of James L. West Center for Dementia Care

Prepare Your Family

Dementia is a progressive disease which means this year’s holiday celebration will look different than last year’s.

“Your loved one is in a new place with the disease. Neither of you have been here before,” says Jaime Cobb Tinsley, vice president of caregiver and community education at James L. West Center for Dementia.

“You must work to understand where they are and how to best accommodate them. We need to accommodate the disease because they can’t. If they could, they would,” says Tinsley.

Whether it’s through phone calls or a mass email, clearly tell your family of your loved one’s emotional, mental and physical changes. Tell them specifically what to expect and what they can do to show support.

Give your family topics your loved one loves to talk about, and remind them to avoid using the word “remember.” as it can trigger challenging behavior.

“They can’t remember that they can’t remember, and there’s no reason for us to remind them of that,” says Tinsley.

Adapting Your Traditions

Let your family and friends know that your holiday gatherings and traditions are still important, but they may have to be altered to meet your loved one where they are this year.

The lights, smells and activities of the holiday season can be overstimulating for your loved one with dementia, leading to agitation, anxiety, restlessness or shutting down. Tinsley recommends keeping your holiday family gathering simple.

This doesn’t mean getting rid of traditions, but simply adapting them. For example, instead of the whole family going to watch the Christmas parade, Tinsley suggests sending the grandchildren to the parade. They can then FaceTime you during the parade or record it to all watch together later, creating a less overstimulating experience.

Other adaptations may include the holiday meal. Christmas dinner with the entire family may now be too overstimulating for your loved one. Instead, try breaking it up so it’s a few people visiting at a time throughout the day or week.

“Maybe Wednesday is pie with the siblings and Thursday is coffee with the grandchildren,” suggests Tinsley.

Photo courtesy of James L. West Center for Dementia Care

Gift Giving for Dementia

A key part of many holiday family gatherings is gift giving. While it can be tricky choosing a gift for your loved one living with dementia, it’s far from impossible.

Music and photos make some of the best gifts for persons living with dementia. Both of these gifts provide your loved one a sense of comfort and create a connection for the two of you.

You can make a playlist of their favorite music and pull up videos from when it was popular. A photo album lets you reminisce together as they share stories about their life.

Weighted blankets or plush therapy animals also make great gifts. Like music and photos, these gifts create a sense of comfort by working to calm the circulatory and nervous systems.

Other gift ideas for your loved one with dementia include robotic pets, sensory kits, and fidget pillows or blankets. S&S Worldwide is a great resource for gift ideas for people with dementia.

Photo courtesy of James L. West Center for Dementia Care

If you’re bringing a gift for your loved one’s caretaker to your holiday family gathering, the greatest gift you can give is time.

Offer to sit with your loved one with dementia so they can run errands or simply take a break. Volunteer to run their errands for them, mow the lawn, or clean the house.

Gift certificates are also a great option, especially if you volunteer to stay with their loved one while they use it.

Including Your Loved One in the Holiday Family Gathering

While your loved one’s involvement may look different this year, they can still play a role in your family’s holiday celebration.

It may be as simple as letting them set the table or stir batter. It may be sitting down to watch a holiday movie together.

By setting clear and realistic expectations ahead of time, your family holiday celebration can be just as joyful as years past.

For more tips on navigating holiday family gatherings with your loved one this season, check out the James L. West Center for Dementia Care’s free caregiver education series.