A Tale of Two Freshmen

It was the best of times, it was…

No. That doesn’t work. Let’s see. There’s got to be some vaguely trite, somewhat profound quote about change that would work here.

photo credit: Lee Virden Geurkink

You see, these last few weeks have been full of changes at our house. The Elder Offspring sprung off to college, while the Younger Offspring started high school. A Tale of Two Freshmen, as it were.

I will admit I struggled with sending my babies off to high school and college, which surprised me. I was not the mom who wept when she took her babies to their first day of school. But these past three weeks have been HARD.

I wanted to give both kids the attention they needed. After all, starting high school and starting college are big steps in a person’s life. Each child should be celebrated, cossetted a little. I needed to sit with each and impart the wisdom that I have gained over the course of a misspent life. Our last weeks should have been Instagram perfect.

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

We have NEVER been Instagram perfect in this house. We fly by the seats of our pants and jump off bridges once they are on fire. I take full blame for this. I was a single mom for my children’s formative years, and for various reasons, wasn’t the mom that social media tells us we should be.

But.

My children know they are loved. They know they are wonderful, creative, unique souls who are cherished. They know they can tell me anything, even though they don’t always do it. They know they are safe.

photo credit: Lee Virden Geurkink

I’m not a helicopter mom. I don’t want to keep them dependent on me. They have to learn to fall down and pick themselves back up and keep on going. No matter how much I want to protect them from the big, bad world (and trust me, watching your child struggle is one of the most painful things a parent can do), they need to learn how to navigate it on their own.

Sending a child off to college requires a lot of courage on the part of the parents. You have to trust that you have done your job, that they are ready to (to be completely trite) spread their wings and fly. My older kiddo is not overly enamored of change. They were excited to start this new stage but sad to leave their friends behind. We collected everything they would need for their dorm room (and as an aside, I don’t remember taking so much STUFF with me to college). We went through their clothes, anticipating what they would need. We talked and hugged and laughed and even cried a little.

With my high schooler, things were different. She’s going to the same school (all hail to thee, I.M. Terrell Academy for STEM & VPA!) their sibling had just graduated from two months before. She didn’t need to outfit a dorm room and didn’t want a whole new wardrobe. She was going to be with their friends from middle school. She didn’t want to talk, so I respected that. But I knew that this change was going to hurt her. She was going to lose Her Person.

photo credit: Lee Virden Geurkink

When my ex-husband and I separated, my children became a gang of two. Because we had joint custody, the kids were back and forth between the houses, and although my ex and I worked our tails off to make sure the transition was as smooth as possible for them, they were the only constants in each other’s lives. The younger one relied on her sibling almost as a third parent, while the older became their younger sibling’s best friend and protector.

Watching them say goodbye to each other was tough.

So now both kiddos are settling into their new schools. My younger is blossoming now that her older sibling isn’t there to talk for her. We have really good conversations on the way home from school, and she’s coming into herself. I’m enjoying getting to know her more.

My older is fully immersed in college life. I’ve gotten a couple of texts and one phone call that went something like this:

Me: Hello?
Kiddo, all in a breathless rush: Hey, Mom! This is your proof-of-life call! Classes are great! Bye!
Me: …

And you can’t ask for anything more from a college student who is in the exact place they need to be right at this moment. While I miss them like crazy and am having to adjust to their absence, how can I not be thrilled that they are happy?

So this past month has been neither the best of times, nor the worst of times. It’s just been life. Messy, crazy, loud, and imperfect. Perfection is boring. It’s static. It doesn’t allow for change, and change is what allows us to grow. So here’s to imperfection and to growth. May my children continue to grow, and may they always know that they are, in the wise words of Christopher Robinson, braver than they believe, stronger than they seem, and smarter than they think. Because the most important thing for them to know right now is that, even when we’re apart, I’ll always love them.

photo credit: Lee Virden Geurkink