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Worthy Convos: Katherine Sasser and All Things Lovely
If you were to combine Julia Child’s love of sharing good food with good friends with Martha Stewart’s approach to curating an inviting space while also mixing in the wisdom of professional organizer Marie Kondo, you would have Katherine Sasser. A jill of all trades, Sasser is a home, hospitality and lifestyle guru who serves much more than the delicious cakes and party foods at Hurley House. Each Sunday, Sasser sends out The Lovely, what she calls a “weekly dose of lovely living” to her blog followers. Through The Lovely, she provides expert advice and personal insight that can be applied to every aspect of life which, spoiler alert, is never going to be perfect.
You said in a recent newsletter that The Lovely is your home base. What do you mean by that?
In my first newsletter back after taking a six-month unexpected hiatus from publishing, I stated that The Lovely was going to be my home base. For me, as much as I enjoy writing blog posts and creating content for social media, the real place of connection between me and my audience, and the most valuable, vulnerable work I produce is housed inside The Lovely. I send it out on Sunday evenings to my email subscribers, and if I had to choose one place to show up creatively in the world, this would be it. The Lovely is where I create meaning from big feelings, share what I am experiencing and learning and look for ways to model hospitality through the lens of my life. Writing The Lovely feels like home.
How do you define lovely living?
Lovely living is the art of blending form and function, vulnerability and decorum, practicality and elegance. It is caring well for yourself so that you can care well for others. It is creating beauty is small spaces and holding space for joy in big moments. Lovely living is never perfect, never without pain, but always focused on learning, growing and evolving as a person.
As a business owner, blogger, and mom, I imagine life can be overwhelming. How do you maintain order and peace?
Yes, life is overwhelming, order is not always possible, and peace can be crowded out by anxiety, but I do my best to value both in my life. In my experience, order is easiest to maintain when we live within our limits. Whether those limits are the amount of space we have in a closet, the amount of time we have in a day, or the amount of emotional bandwidth we have to give to others, limits are there to protect our resources. Chaos ensues when I step outside of my limits and overextend myself. Not enough sleep, saying yes to too many commitments, bringing more stuff into my life than I have space to hold—all of it forces me outside of my limits and ultimately creates chaos. I am my most ordered self when I am living squarely inside my limits in all areas. And oddly enough, for me, order ushers in space for creativity and freedom. As for peace, well, that can be more complicated. Sometimes we cannot control the stressors of life, and we have to manage our resources and tend to our wounds as best we can, always with kindness and patience. I have learned to listen to my gut and intuition. I know and can feel in my body when something is out of alignment with my values or prevents me from showing up as my true self. Whenever possible, I remove myself from situations that ding my internal alarm system. Peace is being able to lay my head on my pillow each night knowing I have protected my sense of well-being and safety so that I can show up as my most wholehearted, aligned self. It’s not easy, and not always possible, but it is the only way I want to live.
What drew you to hospitality?
Belonging is what initially drew me to hospitality. My life has been a series of circumstances that have delivered the message that I don’t belong. In an effort to find a place where I felt like I belonged, I began to create that for other people, using my own experiences of rejection and pain as a place to create home and family for others. I learned to cook so I could invite people over for dinner. I figured out how to be present at my own parties so that I could connect with other people instead of stressing out and missing the fun of the event. I dug deep from a well of sorrow to create spaces where people would feel loved and cared for because in doing so, I found a slice of home and belonging for myself.
What small changes can someone make so that their home feels like a sacred space?
Sacred spaces in our homes are so important. I think the best place to begin is in the bedroom because it is the most intimate, personal space we occupy. A bed that welcomes you at the end of a long day, embracing you in layers of warmth and coziness. A closet that feels full of joy and acceptance because it only houses articles of clothing that fit well and reflect a sense of personal style. A bathroom full of small yet significant ways to care for your physical body. A collection of items that remind you of who you are and where you come from. These are the ingredients for a space that pours into you instead of draining you. Once you establish a place for yourself that you return to at the end of the day and step into each morning, you can learn what works for you and begin to create that same feeling of sacredness in other areas of your home.
Where do you feel most inspired?
I feel most inspired when I consume the creative work of others. Movies, songs, television shows, beautiful rooms, delicious meals, interesting architecture, magical performances, well-written books, even a stunning pair of shoes…I love things that make me feel something. The feelings are where my work begins, and the things I create always originate from an emotion I feel very deeply. I have learned to listen to what moves me, without any judgement of the source. Being open to feeling in response to something moving is vulnerable work, and judgement will only snuff out the flame of inspiration. Admitting that a Taylor Swift song, a sublime cheeseburger, a high school band concert or a perfectly appointed guest bathroom can be the birthplace of inspiration can sound silly, but I am willing to be silly for the sake of living a creative life. So what if an episode of The Bear made me weep? What’s important is looking closely at what the art unveiled in me, discovering why I am feeling what I am feeling, and then using those feelings to create something of my own.
Any summer trends on your radar?
My favorite summer trends aren’t really trends. I tend to gravitate toward the classics, particularly in the kitchen. Stocking the freezer with homemade ice cream. Eating garden-fresh tomatoes with grilled sourdough and homemade ricotta. Lemonade, watermelon, peaches. I also adore the slower pace of summer and try to absorb every drop of ease I can find. As for fashion, my current favorite is a summer sweater, which I know sounds bizarre, but is oddly satisfying. The blast of AC indoors can create the need for a loose-knit layer to throw over my shoulders, and while I do not need it the second I step outside, the sensory experience of the summertime sweater is top-notch in my book.
Describe your perfect day or evening.
A perfect day? Waking up rested without an alarm, followed by coffee and an easy breakfast while I feed the kitten, listen to music, and check my phone. I love my work, so chipping away at a project would feel good and productive, requiring me to expend some creative energy and perhaps collaborate with others. A lunchtime trip to the grocery store (my happy place) buying ingredients for an upcoming meal, followed by an afternoon resting and being alone sounds ideal. And then, finishing the day by getting dressed in something fun for an evening with friends, enjoying a meal, lingering over drinks, talking and laughing and feeling seen. These are the kind of evenings I adore. Finally, returning home for a long bath, a cute pair of pajamas, a few pages of a good book or a few stitches of needlepoint, and then falling into my bed and turning out the light. It’s the simple things that make the perfect day and having them all in one day would be magical.
Katherine-
I so enjoy reading “The Lovely” and I especially enjoy your viewpoints on living a simple, rewarding life within boundaries. I think you said that in a way that I’ve always felt–most comfortable within the confines of my home, kitchen, closet. etc. I really have no desires to tour European museums (again–I’ve done that), but I’m so content being at home and having those I love–and who love me–there to enjoy our time together. Thank you for your time and efforts in sharing your viewpoints with us.
Katherine I so enjoy reading your blog posts. Thank you for your transparency. It allows me to be kinder to my own vulnerabilities. Life is hard for us all in many different ways but you help us to see beauty and seek ways of creativity and service to others in the midst of it.