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Celebrating Tradition
When I think about my time spent with family and friends celebrating the holidays, differing traditions have always been a part of that intricate dance. Growing up, I saw my parents handle family traditions in various ways. Some were good, some were bad, and of course, some were ugly. I feel every person, in any family, knows this well. No matter where you come from or how you were raised, every family has its outliers. That one odd cousin or slightly weird uncle, some silly in-law, or auntie you never really understood, or worse, who always brings the drama to any occasion. Regardless, gathering with family to celebrate the holidays is an especially potent time to consider how and why you show up in the world the way you do. Well, at least for me, it always has been. I want to give you permission to see it that way, too.
Holiday traditions are deeply rooted in identity, belief systems, and specific cultural understandings. With each passing year, I’ve gained more audacity and now allow myself to hold a magnifying glass to these kinds of rituals and gatherings. I continually look within myself and really ask what resonates with me now. Becoming a mother two years ago only intensified this outlook. It allowed me to be more curious and ask myself questions about what matters most to me. These questions turned into conversations with my husband about which of our family traditions and values we want to pass on to our son and why.
I’ve loved learning and following along with traditions that have long been passed down in my family, and am thankful for the history and roots from which I come. But when I met my husband, I was delighted to learn the depth and beauty of traditions other than my own, just as my parents did when they met and began their own family. In true American fashion, we are a melting pot of ethnicities and cultural backgrounds, both in origin and belief. My family’s cultural mix has always helped me to make space to be curious about other families’ celebrations without losing sight of my own. In fact, it has often granted me grace to grow more fully into my own beliefs and desires for traditions of my own choosing or creating. I have my mother and grandmother to thank for this awareness. Now that I have my own terrific two-year-old son, choosing how my little family celebrates while being flexible with our plans and traditions around the holidays is paramount.
Author and her family
Of course, having a toddler means that my husband and I navigate holiday traditions differently now. We don’t have to agree or fully participate in all the rigmarole and the almost inevitable drama that can accompany family holiday gatherings. Still, we find so much more joy in showing up in full presence for the celebrations that really fill our cup. Learning to establish and hold healthy boundaries with family is key. (Hello, open communication!) Choosing to show up and stretch yourself into others’ treasured traditions can be viewed as an adventure with many lessons to learn along the way. It allows for more awareness and intention surrounding the traditions we choose to participate in. I also think it’s instilling in my son the art of gathering with intention and welcoming the joy that can come from honoring old traditions while making room to create our own.
I know the holidays can bring a lot of pressure, especially to mothers, who are trying to do it all and create special memories with their family. We all want things to be “perfect.” Give yourself permission to evaluate how you handle the holiday season instead of doing what you and/or your family have always done. The truth is that we can’t do it all. Why not do less but with more intention, which gives way to greater capacity for true presence and subsequent joy? Try it on for size. You might just be surprised by an invigorating new perspective on yourself and your village.
More than ever, given today’s seemingly hostile climate, we could all use a hefty dose of curiosity coupled with compassion, definitely with others, but also for ourselves. I hope you find the courage and freedom to navigate this holiday season with grace and an open heart. Try something new, honor the age-old traditions that are meaningful to you, but remain receptive to and appreciative of new perspectives and possibilities.
