From the Files of Tanglewood Moms: Quarantine Confessions

Names have been omitted to protect the guilty.

The stay-at-home orders which have resulted from the coronavirus pandemic have changed us. The trappings of civilization have fallen away as we hunker down with our families, venturing out only in search of sustenance.

In the Tanglewood Moms group on Facebook, there have been a couple of threads asking for “Quarantine Confessions.” The group members, whether from a sincere desire to share or simply because cabin fever has made them delirious, responded with vigor and humor.

“I have Reese’s Eggs every morning with coffee for breakfast.”

Many of us have given up trying to eat healthy, balanced meals. Our children are like locusts, devouring everything they come across. Between homeschooling and doing our own work, meal planning has fallen by the wayside. As a friend who isn’t on Facebook said to me, “As long as they aren’t snacking on each other, I’m happy!”

“I realized I needed to do laundry desperately when my kids had to wear swimming trunks because all of their underwear were in the dirty clothes. Oops.”

Laundry, that Sisyphean, never-ending task, is one that many of us have let slip. My kids are old enough to do their own laundry, but I will admit that I haven’t made them fold their clothes and put them away. We all have laundry piles from which we pull wrinkly-yet-clean clothes. When “normality” (such as it is in our house) returns, my kids will be very unhappy when they have to fold clothes again.

“My four-year-old son used to pretend to make us tea, water, and milkshakes. Now he pretends to make me wine.”

Is it just me, or has day drinking lost its frisson of vaguely naughty indulgence?

“I cut my 11 month old’s hair with dog thinning shears on a whim yesterday. Turned out about as well as you’d imagine.”

We’re all looking rough these days. My hairdresser regularly talks me down off the ledge when I text her pictures of me holding my husband’s beard trimmers. (Sorry, Amy!) Let’s make a pact now. We will all look less-than-groomed when we emerge from our quarantine hibernation; no one gets to say a word!

“I told my family I was going to the Trinity to ‘walk/run’ for two hours. I did go to the Trinity but sat under a tree and drank an entire bottle of wine while listening to my Spotify jams. Then [I] blasted the heater in the car on the way home to look sweaty like I actually exercised.”

There are times when, if given the choice between spending another second with our lovely families and spending the rest of our lives in solitary confinement with nothing but bread and water every single day and no phone, we would have to take a moment to seriously weigh the pros and cons.

“We listened to fart sounds on Spotify the other day to distract my son enough to get him to eat his lunch (which was fruit snacks and graham crackers).”

So not judging, Mama!

“My husband taught my eight year old how to play online poker last night.”

Sounds like someone can pay for college on their own now!

“I cried because we were out of taco seasoning, and I wanted nachos for dinner last night.”

We’ve all been there. You’re among friends.

“I told my husband that I thought I was getting sick – my chest was congested and I felt kinda warm. Literally bought me TWO WHOLE DAYS in bed. Then the &$^% backfired because he legit said, ‘Yeah, I think I’m getting what you had.’ Hello, Man Flu. So to keep him from getting 10 whole days in bed, I had to tell him I was faking. Sorry, not sorry, Honey. Now I can’t use my ‘I’m getting sick’ line for quite a while, dang it.”

We bow to your ingenuity and weep that you got caught.

In all seriousness, these are crazy times. We stay home to keep ourselves and our families healthy, but sheltering in place is necessitating some relaxing of our personal standards. It’s okay. We’re all learning to navigate this brave new world, and as long as everyone comes out of quarantine healthy and (relatively) sane, we’re doing well. So cheers to you, brave Tanglewood Moms who admit your flaws! We salute you!