Don’t Listen to THEM. Listen to YOU.

This article originally ran seven years ago. My kiddos have grown; the older one is a sophomore in college, while the younger is a sophomore in high school. However, this article still rings true. I pray they listen to themselves because they are amazing people, and this world is cruel to amazing people. 

My older daughter is entering seventh grade tomorrow. My memories of seventh grade are not great. It was a difficult time as we all tried to come to terms with changing bodies and increased expectations and shifting alliances. We were all struggling, and some dealt with that struggle by striking out. There is nothing in the world nastier than a seventh grade girl who is scared. I remember feeling like I was ugly and freaky and just plain wrong. I didn’t wear the “right” clothes. I didn’t have the “right” haircut. I was smart and didn’t want to hide it. I laughed too loud, preferred acting to sports, and made the Honor Roll every six weeks. I didn’t conform. I am scared that my daughter, an enthusiastic, sensitive soul who loves her pixie cut and her factoid-filled brain will be made to feel like she is ugly and freaky and just plain wrong. And that breaks my heart.

One night recently, I was listening to the Olympic coverage while I was making dinner. Alex Morgan, a female Olympian and soccer star, said at the end of an interview, “Don’t listen to Them. Listen to YOU.” That phrase entered into my soul. I started thinking about that, about how I wish someone had told me that when I was in seventh grade. In the middle of a bout of insomnia, I wrote this to my twelve-year-old daughter and to my twelve-year-old self.

Don’t listen to Them

     To the clothing companies that tell you to wear their brands in order to be accepted

     To the movies that tell you that you have to be blonde and blue-eyed and anorexic to be loved

     To the magazines that lie to you as they Photoshop away pimples and wrinkles and bulges

Don’t listen to Them

     To the naysayers

     To the bullies

     To the false friends who praise you to your face but laugh behind your back

Don’t listen to Them

     To the negatives that mess with your head

     To the sneers that break your heart

     To the mocking that make you want to hurt your body

     To the insults that smash your soul

Listen to You

     To the voice in your head that says “I look GOOD” when you are wearing your favorite outfit with a new haircut

Listen to You

     To the voice in your heart that tells you to be kind the girl who wears the “wrong” clothes and the boy with the limp and funny voice

Listen to You

     To the voice in your body that tells you that you are strong enough to finish that race or top that climbing wall or sing that solo

Listen to You

     To the voice in your soul that tells you that you are smart, you are strong, you are beautiful, you are good, and that you matter because you ARE smart, you ARE strong, you ARE beautiful, you ARE good

and

YOU MATTER MORE THAN YOU WILL EVER KNOW

Listen to YOU

Lee Virden (the one in the goofy bandana and boots) is the mother of two amazing girls who are about to start another year of school. Another year off homework and projects and school plays and trying to navigate through an increasingly confusing social scene. She prays every day that her girls continue to listen to themselves and not Them.